What I Want for Christmas – From You!

Do you know what I want for Christmas? From my family and friends? Both social media and personal?

For you to give grace.

Not to me, but to others.

What is grace, you may ask? Well, it’s a word that by definition can mean many things; but in this case it means undeserved favor. Mercy. Goodwill. Charity. Kindness. Love.

Shouldn’t we do this all year long? Yes, definitely. But giving grace is needed especially at this time of the year. Yes, tis the season and all, but this time of year it is desperately needed because the holiday comes with so much stress of its own. We all want a memorable celebration. One that will be recalled for years to come. Some people long for the feelings of Christmases past. Loneliness seems to magnify itself this time of year as well. But so many times it is full of such tension and drama that those memories become painful and Christmas becomes a dreaded holiday for so many. This has happened to me. I so wanted a special Christmas for my family, that I busted myself to death trying to have the “perfect” Christmas. Gift buying, parties, baking, decorating, church pageants, choir rehearsal, and the dreaded and unending wrapping night. (That is wrapping with a “W”, not putting on Jay Z or Kanye all night; although they might have been more enjoyable.) On Christmas Eve, after the church service, I would literally stay up all night by myself to wrap every little stocking stuffer, have every present laid out perfect, have Christmas breakfast ready to be put in the oven, and Christmas dinner started, etc. (One year I actually made each person’s favorite foods for Christmas dinner – whew! They will tell you that’s one of their favorite Christmas memories.) I worked myself to death and then when the children woke up, this sleep-deprived mama would – with her well-rested husband – read the Christmas story out of Luke chapter 2 and proceed to let the kids run into the living room to find their treasures. Was it worth it? Well, you’ll have to ask my adult children now. But, to see the glow and excitement on their faces was a joy to me and I’m sure it made many fond memories. Then every year around September – even August when school started back, I noticed an anxiousness in me about the impending holiday season. I dreaded it for sure. It wasn’t a delight anymore. It meant hard work and drudgery just to make it through the season without having a nervous breakdown. I wanted to celebrate the birth of Christ and enjoy the season. But I didn’t. I couldn’t wait for it to be over with. Somewhere along the way, I got caught up in the mania and forgot to pause and remember – remember the One who this celebration is really about. As the years went by and the kids got older, I decided to make things simpler. I came up with a “disposable” Christmas tree. Having a real tree, we put on dollar store lights, made every ornament, strung popcorn and cranberries for garland and then after Christmas (which usually means mid-January) we would take the still intact tree and throw it over our deck onto our burn pile in the backyard, to be incinerated – lights and all. Of course if there were special ornaments we made, we would save those, but everything else went up in flames weeks later when the tree was all dried out. It was pretty awesome. The kids loved it. And it saved me getting all the Christmas decorations out and packing them back up afterward! We did this disposable tree for a few years, but the burning of the tree itself remained a tradition for years. (Of course, with fire department approval, fire retardant suits on and water hose in hand. Of course.) Gradually, I lightened up the perfection expectation of Christmas and decided on a different type of Christmas. A “mostly good” one, with less gifts and more focusing on the true meaning. And as most of my children moved away and have their own traditions, I truly do look forward to the celebration and learned a new thing to give: grace.

I’m still learning to give this gift. Sometimes it’s hard. But that is exactly the way we learn how to give it. By practicing it. When we all get together, with extended family as well, grace is needed. When conversations turn dramatic and emotions run high – we need to give grace (and a soft answer also helps.) When adult children argue and a mama’s heart is broken – I give grace. When “someone close” to me needs quiet and leaves us to retreat to their room to have some peace – I give grace. When other family members have differing beliefs and views – I give grace. I’m sure I’ll be practicing this grace-giving technique this year as well. Every family needs to practice this gift.

So when your grandmother doesn’t filter her words before speaking – give grace.

When your nephew doesn’t act grateful for the present you searched hard for – give grace.

When that aunt won’t stop giving her own political opinions, which are right of course – give grace.

When that child has one volume – and it is LOUD – give grace.

When you receive yet another pair of slippers – give grace.

When the turkey is too dry to eat – put lots of gravy on it and – give grace.

When your sister makes that recipe that she thinks is the best, try it anyway, then – give grace.

Of course there are more serious issues within families that call for forgiveness and hard grace. And Christmastime is too short to solve all family problems. There may be those folks that you will be with that you really do not want to see. Those complicated matters will still be there tomorrow, but for today – give grace.

We could all use a dose of grace ourselves – so be generous with giving it away. In fact, we have all received the most immeasurable amount of grace possible when we didn’t even deserve it, God’s own son. How can we not also give away what He has so freely given us? After all, He is Emmanuel – God with us. Grace in the flesh. And by giving it away – even to the most undeserving of all, we may have what the angels proclaimed on that holy night and what they knew this world so desperately needs – Peace on earth, good will to men.

That’s what I want from each of you for Christmas. Thank you in advance for this precious gift. I will treasure it always, especially if you tell me your stories of doing it.

Have a Merry, grace-filled Christmas!